pedagogy | Skye College

Today we’d like to share three resources that have inspired us in our journey towards relationship-driven learning.

The first – “How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” has been dubbed “the parenting bible”. First written in 1980, authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish have been inspiring more than one generation of parents to take a more feeling-centred and playful approach to parenting.

Years later, Faber’s daughter, Joanna, released a follow-on book (our second recommendation) – “how to talk so little kids will listen”. Though slightly different in their approach, both books focus on understanding and accepting feelings, and finding ways to build relationships with children. Both books are filled with encouraging stories from parents all over the world who find better ways to get out of the house / put on shoes / eat dinner with their small people. What we like about Joanna Faber’s book is that it focuses specifically on ages 2-7, and groups commons struggles together by chapter. So, if you are struggling at bedtime, you can simply turn to the bedtime chapter.

Our third recommendation provides much greater depth of understanding that, we believe, will help you better implement the suggestions in the first two books. The incredible work by Marshall Rosenberg – “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” is truly life changing.

Two truths that have inspired us in our journey towards relationship-driven learning weave like a golden thread through these three works…

Accept feelings and understand the needs that trigger them
Create positive feelings of cooperation through playfulness and choice

Accepting feelings and understand needs.

Many parents struggle to accept and understand their child’s negative emotions. Our first response is often to try to get a child to stop feeling a certain way… Bottling up emotions can be dangerous, however. Research suggests that not acknowledging an emotion can increase its strength. On the other hand, successfully supressing emotion can negatively impact mental and physical health. A 2013 study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester found that people who bottled up their emotions significantly increased their chance of premature death from all causes. Short term consequences include negative effects on blood pressure, memory and self-esteem.

Accepting and regulating emotions begin with understanding. Emotions are not, as we commonly think, triggered by what someone else does. Instead, emotions are triggered by our own, human needs. Marshall Rosenberg has brought warring factions to peace through this simple yet profound principle. His book, our third recommendation, can bring peace to your home by helping you create a safe space for feelings and needs. To do this, follow four steps (simple, yet deceptively difficult due to the way most of us have been socialised to react when confronted with strong negative emotions.)

Steps to regulating your child’s emotions

Step 1. Observe behaviour (e.g. yelling “No!”, hitting a sibling etc.)

Step 2. Identify the emotion that is triggering the behaviour (Angry / annoyed / sad etc).

Step 3. Identify the deeper human need that is being met / not being met to trigger that emotion (Need to decide for oneself / need for fun / need to feel safe etc.).

Step 4: Verbalise the behaviour you see, and guess the emotion and need. You don’t need to be sure. Simply allow the space for your child to correct / confirm your guesses and so continue the conversation. We’ll share a link to a list of common feelings and needs at the end of this post… if you’re stumped, you might find you / your child’s need here.

Step 5: Make a clear request.

What does this look like in practice? Let us say you are trying to leave the house, where your child has been happily playing. Instead of commanding, insisting, and threatening, you might say to a child who is stamping his foot and frowning: “I see your face look upset. Are you feeling angry because you need to play / it’s important for you to play? Once you have correctly identified your child’s feelings and needs, they may be more open to hearing your own feelings and needs. Continue the conversation, focusing on feelings and needs as they come up. Once all feelings and needs have been heard, you can make a clear request.

It is impossible to do justice to the incredible work of Marshal Rosenberg in this post. We highly recommend reading his book if you are interested in learning more.

Create positive feelings of cooperation through playfulness and choice.

Adelle and Joanna Faber remind us of the simple truth… nobody likes to be told what to do, even if they know that what they are being asked to do is good for them. Imagine coming home from work and having your spouse tell you – “Sit down. Hang up your coat. Eat your dinner. Finish your food. Don’t spill. Brush your teeth.”

How do you feel? Like doing what you’re told? Unlikely… We all have a deep human need to decide for ourselves. This need is real and valid. When told what to do, we feel rebellious because our need is not being met.

Parents often have better results when they intentionally create positive feelings – helping their child to feel cooperative rather than rebellious, by meeting their need for connection and play. Instead of trying to pin down your three-year old to put on socks, make the sock talk. “I’m feeling so flat and empty and cold! Oh, how I wish someone would put a nice warm foot into me…” Most of the time, kids will be delighted to oblige. You may also focus on playful choices. Instead of saying “go get in the car,” you might say “how would you like to go to the car today? Hop like a bunny? Walk backwards? Ride on my back? Fly like a pterodactyl?”. Most likely you will reach the car giggling, instead of yelling.

We have only scratched the surface of these three wonderful books that have helped us to formalise relationship-driven learning as part of our Thriveway journey.

We sincerely recommend them to each Skye College Parent.

Get your copy from Takealot:

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber & Julie King

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

What works in education? This question has been at the heart of an ongoing debate … until recently. The most extensive educational research study ever undertaken presents us with clear, if complex, answers. Over the past 15 years, Professor John Hatti and his team have investigated and ranked a myriad of influences that affect student performance at school. His results are based on data from a staggering 240 million students (and counting) worldwide. His findings surprised many… Of the 150 influences he investigated, the vast majority (145) had a positive effect on learning. Seems that almost everything done in education works. But here is the catch – not everything works equally well. Not by a long shot.

Teachers who maximise their impact focus on the big ideas, the powerful strategies, those approaches that radically maximise learning and equip every child to reach their full potential.

The following is an all-too-brief summary of some of the key ideas that lie at the core of Skye College’s approach to education. Thank you, John!

Effective teachers understand learning

Learning happens in three phases. During surface learning, students are learning to understand single ideas, such as addition. Over time, students move into deep learning – understanding deepens as students grasp connections among multiple ideas (for example, multiplication as repeated addition). The end goal of learning, however, is transfer learning – the transfer of knowledge and skill to new domains. Students have reached transfer when they apply what they know of addition and multiplication in the science class or while shopping.

Effective teachers understand this learning process. They know where students are at any given moment and adapt their teaching strategies accordingly.

During surface learning, for example, the strategic use of concrete manipulatives should play an important role. New math concepts can be effectively introduced using concrete objects like counting beads or fraction circles. The use of concrete manipulatives should be followed by more abstract pictorial representations of these manipulatives (pictures of counting beads), preparing the child for the fully abstract world of numbers and symbols. Maria Montessori perfected this concrete-pictorial-abstract progression in her rich manipulatives, which is why we love using Montessori equipment to help students move through surface to deep learning.

During deep learning, collaborative peer interactions become increasingly important. Approximately 50% of math time each week should be dedicated to “learning out loud” with peers in pairs, small groups, or the whole class. This is more than answer seeking. Math talk includes explaining strategies, justifying answers, and comparing approaches – all skillfully facilitated by the teacher towards the end-goal of deep mathematical thinking. The reality at many schools, however, echo the research – teachers spend up to 89% of classroom time in monologue and students seem to come to school to watch their teacher work.

During transfer learning, problem-solving teaching offers great potential. Students draw on their knowledge and skill to collaboratively solve complex and meaningful problems, consolidating and further extending their learning as they interact with the real world. The timing here makes all the difference…. Introducing complex problems too early in the learning cycle is not effective. After all, it is impossible to creatively solve a problem you do not deeply understand.

"Effective teachers never value any approach over student learning."

Effective teachers are precise.

Effective teachers understand the learning cycle and use teaching strategies appropriately. Importantly, however – they never value any approach over student learning. Good teachers are constantly checking, in real-time, that students are making progress towards the learning goals of the lesson. Such teacher can stop, correct, adjust, reinforce, and give timely feedback because they have their finger on the pulse of learning. What is more, they view the results from student assessments (whether a quick verbal check for understanding or a mid-term test) as feedback on their own teaching. They are learning teachers, always honing their craft.

Effective teachers create safety.

Great teachers create trusting learning environments. In these classrooms, everyone’s voice is important, mistakes are opportunities to learn and learning, rather than results, are celebrated. There is much that goes into creating a classroom culture where everyone feels safe. One strategy is to intentionally teach students the language of respectful collaboration.

Sentence starters are a great place to begin …

“I agree with you because _____ and I’d like to build on that by _____”
“Would you mind explaining your thinking when you said “______” so I can follow your reasoning?”
“I disagree, because it seems to me ________________”

When students use the language of respectful collaboration, they hone a vital skill. What is more, they co-create safe spaces where everyone can learn out loud.

Effective teachers equip students to drive their brains.

Remaining relevant in a future world will require your child to continue to learn, unlearn and relearn throughout their life.

Being in the driver’s seat of one’s learning requires several complex skills. Importantly, you need the ability to think about your thinking (meta-cognition) and the self-regulatory skills to persist when things get tough. It is equally vital that you know what to do when you are stuck.

Effective teachers weave the development of these skills into the fabric of classroom life. They think out loud so that students can observe and learn self-questioning. They value interesting mistakes and intentionally focus on learning to learn. Good teachers provide feedback beyond the right or wrong answer – feedback that includes the kind of information students need to develop as life-long learners.

Instead of “good job”, an effective teacher might say.

“I like how you approached that difficult passage by making a key-word outline – that’s a really helpful strategy.” Or
“You really developed your stamina by redoing that problem and I love how you built on your mistake.” Or
“You don’t know? Well, show me what do you know…”

When teachers speak to students in this way, students develop an internal voice that will support, teach, and encourage their learning long after the teacher’s voice has faded.

"Effective teachers think out loud so that students can observe and learn self-questioning. They value interesting mistakes and intentionally focus on learning to learn."

Thrive in life.

At Skye College, we choose research-driven pedagogy because we believe in equipping every child to reach their full potential. People who thrive have this in common… People who thrive are also deeply connected and skilled at building strong relationships. They are equipped to contribute to their world in ways they find personally meaningful. People who thrive build good habits that lay down the rails for a successful and resilient life.

Sounds like the education you wish you had? Click here to learn more about how the Skye College Thriveway will equip your child to thrive. Thrive today. Thrive tomorrow. Thrive in life.

Accepting feelings and understand needs.

Create positive feelings of cooperation through playfulness and choice.

Get your copy from Takealot:

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