Mom and dad, we invite you to pause. There, where you are, in the thick of parenting and life. Pause, for a moment, to consider the miracle of your child’s developing brain.
Your child’s brain is deeply extraordinary. Your baby was born with approximately 100 billion neurons. As an adult, you only have about half that many.
Your child’s brain is a learning powerhouse. It more than doubled its volume in the first three months and connections are forming now at a rate that will remain unrivalled in later life. Even more incredible – this is not a passive process. Children are actively involved in their own brain development. They seek out the social and sensorial experiences that build healthy brains.
Maria Montessori’s work was guided by this insight, which reframes everything we do in parenting and education. Your child is profoundly capable! Your child is building their own brain! Your job is to shape the environment so that it supports this natural development; to facilitate the sensorial and social experiences your child needs to thrive. Your job is simply to create a safe space for your child’s developing brain at home. Here are some thoughts on getting started.
Nurture and touch
“Of all things, love is the most potent.” – Maria Montessori.
Nurturing touch at school and at home is vital. The research here is unambiguous. Children who experience loving physical touch show improved and lasting cognitive development. Children who experience above-average affection from their mothers are less likely to be hostile, anxious, or emotionally distressed as adults. Receiving minimal touch as a child, on the other hand, is associated with long-lasting cognitive delays and aggression.
Yes spaces
“The hands are the instruments of man’s intelligence.” – Maria Montessori.
Your child touches things because they are driven by the deep and important need for sensorial experience. Your child is not just messing around… they are engaging in the important work of building their brain. To support your child, create yes-spaces around your home. Yes-spaces are areas your child can freely explore without fear of breaking anything, getting into trouble, or hurting themselves.
Remember to view your home from your child’s perspective. You might be surprised at what you notice when you get down to see things as they do… One mom we know discovered a mysterious space (cave) under a cabinet where her son (pirate) had stashed all her teaspoons (treasure).
Productive struggle
“Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.” – Maria Montessori.
The comedian Michael McIntyre has his audience in fits when he proclaims, talking to expectant couples, that they have no idea how difficult things will become when they have kids. “Things you don’t even consider to be things will become nearly impossible… like leaving the house.” We’ve all been there. We often respond by doing things for our kids and, of course, that is often appropriate. It is important to remember, however, that your child builds their brain through productive struggle. When you can, design some time into your schedule to allow your child to do things for themselves – even to help you out. Their confidence and independence will soar.
Follow your child
“Follow the child, but follow the child as her leader.” – Maria Montessori.
You don’t share your child’s passion for dinosaurs / dead bugs / the dog’s tail. We get it… Following the child is simply about respect. Remember that, in all these things, your child is building their future self. Your child is unfolding their unique personality. Allow yourself to know them and be fascinated. Here are four simple things you can do tomorrow…
- Observe. Following the child requires, firstly, that we learn to observe without distraction. Take a few minutes to simply watch your child at work and play – we guarantee that you will notice something new.
- Create a rich environment. Provide opportunities to discover interests through books, experiences, and time in nature.
- Slow down. Do not overschedule! Your child does not need to be a soccer superstar AND chess whizz AND master chef AND programmer by the age of eight. Allow your child the precious time and space to simply be.
- Respect. Always respect your child’s choices and interests and, if you can, share in their joy. Let them show you the wide and wonderful world (of sometimes icky things) they are discovering for the first time.
Child-friendly order
“Order is one of the needs of life which, when it is satisfied, provides real happiness.” – Maria Montessori.
Order, for a child, is about more than mere tidiness. Your child’s job is to make sense of the world. To discover its properties, patterns and relationships. Your child’s job is to find out where they belong. This path of learning and development is more like that of a butterfly than that of a bullet.
When ordering spaces, remember your goals. Ultimately, you want your child to develop competence and independence and to grow as an individual. This means that your child’s things should be stored and displayed in ways that are inviting, encourages independence use and reflect their current development and interests. The easiest way to achieve this is to limit the number of things your child can access at one time by rotating objects. Providing simple categories your child can restore themselves is a good start. Think “vehicles”, “people” and “animals” for toys. Refrain from insisting that Silvanian Families are not “people”, but “animal-people”… you can work your way up to that.
Let go of perfection. Focus on kindness
“Children are human beings to whom respect is due, superior to us by reason of their innocence and of the greater possibilities of their future… Let us treat them with all the kindness which we would wish to help to develop in them.” – Maria Montessori.
Have you ever considered the paradoxical truth that the “perfect parent” would be unable to truly prepare kids for life? Life is messy and your kid is not perfect. Luckily, being imperfect yourself, you are the perfect person to teach them how to be imperfect – gracefully! Think about it this way… if you never made any mistakes your child would never see resilience in the face of failure. If you were always right, strong and in control your child would never see you model humility or be okay with weakness. If you never had to accept help and grace from your child, your child would not experience the joy of such a kindness.
Mom and dad, we invite you to give yourself a break. Be human. Do your best and, when you fail, apologise. There are few lessons more valuable you could teach your child!